Sympathy & Loss
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Losing someone you love is never easy. Whether the person is family, a spouse or even a friend the impact is the same and one can only hope the heartache, pain and suffering will subside as easily as it comes along. It doesn’t matter if the death was sudden or slowly creeping in, and it surely doesn’t make the pain of such loss any easier. With time you can come to grips with the loss, but the pain will always creep up on you during a special occasion, holiday or birthday without a doubt.
Just recently I lost someone truly dear to me. A few days later a friend and fellow co-worker lost her father and although only a few days apart only one of us was flourished with condolences, sympathy and kindness and I am saddened to say it wasn’t me. As a child of Christ I have learned to be forgiving, kind, sympathetic and loving no matter what so my aching heart understands that not all of us can go through life with the same moral values, and many of us can pretend to be kind but deep down inside have a cold heart.
Case in point, within my department we have at least 80 employees and most of us are divided by titles so therefore we consist of several accountants, a multitude of data entry staff and a couple who work together as a unit yet are totally divided due to pettiness and maybe a bit of jealousy. Upon the death of my loved one I sent an email to my specific management team and co-worker advising each of my loss. From the three only one verbally acknowledged their condolences while the other two just sent a response to my email, which were as follows. “I am sorry for your loss,” from my co-worker, and “My deepest condolences from my manager.
Upon my return from bereavement leave I didn’t expect much from my department so I simply returned, engulfed myself with work and basically tried to ignore the people surrounding me because I knew that most were not even aware of my loss, as it wasn’t communicated with the rest of the staff as it was with my fellow co-worker who had lost her father. No one other than the people I told myself knew, but imagine my surprise when I was approached two days later by another co-worker who had been given a sympathy card by my very own counterpart in order to obtain a collection for the one who lost her father. Mind you, I couldn’t care less about the money, but it did hurt to find out as I did that once again I was intentionally excluded. My loss was in no way acknowledged and my co-workers made me feel like a total outcast.
The heartache of losing my grandmother, who I adored with all my heart, was one thing, but the pain I felt over having to work with such people saddened me even more. How one can deliberately add pain to ones life by being careless is beyond me. As a Christian I was brought up to be respectful, understanding and caring with others. One who knows me well will even tell you that I tend to place others needs and wants before my own. As I grow older I learn more and more that not everyone can be as genuinely kind. The pain I feel over being excluded will forever be with me, but again I forgive as that is what my faith expects from me and honestly all I can really do to ease the pain.
To my fellow friend and co-worker I sincerely give my heartfelt condolences and pray that she and her family can get through this difficult time as I know it will surely be difficult especially now with the holidays approaching. I shall only keep them all in mind and include them in my nightly prayers for sure as she and her family had always been so kind to me and my heart undoubtedly feels their pain.
May those we love and lost rest in peace, and may their memory only serve as a reminder of how truly blessed we truly were. Cherish the memories and share them with the newer generations so they can know how great their family history is and always keep in mind the value of life should never be taken for granted, so always try to express your love as much as possible while you can so there could never be any regrets.
Copyright © 2010
Susan B. Anna
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Thank you Jillian, your sympathy and thoughtfulness for commenting truly touched my heart. You are also right on one thing the lack of caring received via those I work with will not stay with me. I have too much good, and love in my life to let it and my grandma will definitely hate my letting it drag me down any further, so yes it has been let go. I know now these people do not deserve another ounce of resentment from my part and I can only be a better person by always remembering what my grandma always taught me, and everyone whose life she touched. "Live, love and always laugh and never let anyone's negativity drag you with them." :)
I am so sorry, and I am also sorry that jerks at your job were so insensitive as well. I lost my fiance and father two weeks apart from one another in 2002. It was the worst thing I ever experienced. I am so sorry for your loss. HUGS
Thank you Pachuca213 and I am also deeply sorry for your loss.
I can relate to the above posts. I just lost my mother. I work in a relatively small office and have been there for a very long time. While some of my co-workers either came to my mother's services and/or sent a sympathy card or donation in my mother's name, when I returned to work I could not believe that there were at least six people who didn't even acknowledge the fact that I just lost my mother, even though the office manager had sent a global email to the office when my mother passed away. Truly amazing how cold and self-absorbed people can be, people you have worked with for many, many years. I hope and pray that when they lose someone close to them that this does not happen to them. Truly a horrible feeling ~ makes you feel like your mother didn't even matter in this life.
Jillian Barclay Level 4 Commenter 18 months ago
I am so sorry that you had to experience your devastating loss with so little support and common human empathy. I just don't know what to say! A little caring goes a long way, and at a time like this, I am embarrassed for and ashamed of these people. Loss is terrible on its own, but for others to cause you added grief- there is no excuse for it. Loss is probably the worst of any experience we suffer on earth. Please don't let this horrible behavior stay with you. Try to concentrate on how much love you had shared with the one you lost. If I understand, it was your dear grandma who died. Grandmas are so special! We lucky ones (the ones who had a special grandma!) will never forget them and never stop loving them. I don't know you, but my heart aches for you. As you continue to mourn the loss of your grandma (the mourning doesn't ever really end), honor her by keeping her alive in your mind and your heart. In the scheme of things, these people cannot hurt you ever so deeply again. They have already shown how badly they can behave. We all look for kindness in others and sometimes are disappointed in huge ways. Please don't let this consume anymore of your thoughts. Know that there are alot of truly good people out there, who do know what you are feeling and do care about you. Again, I am so sorry your grandmother is gone...for now...